You might want to talk with him, or really any future sexual partner, about what the freeze response is, what it looks like specifically for you, and how to navigate the situation if it happens. Your reaction to the initial slap sounds alarmingly like a freeze response, and those can be dangerous for people who experience them-freezing sometimes means the person can’t get the words out to call for a stop. When your interactions have normalized, if you still want to try sex again, proceed incredibly slowly. If he grumbles about feeling like he’s in an HR meeting, or goes into “but I already said I’m sorry” mode, move on. Have a second discussion, this time about what level of active consent you need to feel safe, and how you’d like any escalation of kink to be handled. Presuming that first talk goes well, spend some time together outside of the bedroom rebuilding trust, and give your body a chance to recover from any trauma you might have internalized. I see sex tips about how to make a vagina feel tighter, but what can I do to loosen things up a bit? And what can I do to soothe my junk after a long weekend bang-a-thon? And we’re currently in that new-relationship period where we just want to screw nonstop as often as possible. We go slow and use lots of lube, but my vagina has a tendency to get really tight when I’m close to coming (and I’ll be close for like 10 minutes before it happens) and it leaves us both quite sore-though because of endorphins, I tend not to feel the pain until the next day. Send your questions for Stoya and Rich to. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. I Tried to Send My Girlfriend a Naked Selfie. My Wife Refuses a Very Basic Thing in Bed for the Weirdest Reason But She Has No Idea That I Already Know Her Secret.
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